How do you look after yourself while caring for someone recovering at home? Start small. Protect your back, share the jobs, and put real breaks in the diary, just as you would for an appointment. And ask for help early, before you feel you are at breaking point.
If you are caring for an elderly parent at home after a stroke, surgery or a fall, you are doing something big. Your own health matters as much as theirs. When you stay well, you can keep going, and they get better care.
Written by a senior HCPC-registered physiotherapist at Rehalign. This is practical wellbeing guidance, not mental health treatment or medical advice.
The Hidden Load of Caring
Most carers do not think of themselves as "carers". You are a daughter, a son, a husband or a wife who is just helping out. But the jobs add up quickly:
- Lifts and trips to appointments
- Helping with washing, dressing and meals
- Managing medicines and paperwork
- Phone calls to hospitals, GPs and the council
- Helping with exercises and watching for changes
- Being "on call" in the night
Then there is the part nobody sees: the worry. You may be tired, sad or even a bit cross, and then feel guilty about it. Please know that these feelings are normal. They do not mean you love them any less.
If you are not sure how much help your loved one needs, our guide on the 10 signs your loved one needs home physiotherapy may help.
Protecting Your Own Back During Transfers
A "transfer" is any move from one place to another, like bed to chair, chair to standing, or into the car. These are some of the easiest ways for a carer to hurt their back. Four simple principles can help:
- Plan. Before you start, think it through. Is the path clear? Are the brakes on the wheelchair? Is the chair stable? Tell your loved one what you are about to do, so you move together.
- Get close. Stand near the person, with your feet apart for a steady base. Holding weight away from your body puts much more strain on your back.
- Bend your knees. Use your legs, not your back, and keep your back in a comfortable, natural position. Avoid twisting. Turn your feet instead.
- Use equipment. Equipment is there to be used. A raised chair, a bed lever, a transfer belt or a slide sheet can make a transfer safer for both of you. An occupational therapist can advise what suits your situation.
A few more important points:
- Never try to catch or lift someone who is falling. It is safer to guide them down gently if you can. If they have fallen and are hurt, call 999. Do not try to lift them from the floor yourself.
- Stop if something hurts. Pain in your own back is a sign to change what you are doing and ask for advice.
Reading about this only goes so far. Every person, home and set of needs is different, so we recommend being shown in person. A physiotherapist can watch how you move at home and show you what works for you, with the real equipment you have.
Sharing the Exercise Routine Without Becoming the "Nag"
After a stroke, surgery or a fall, exercises are a big part of getting stronger. But nobody likes being told what to do, especially by their own child or partner. It is easy to slip into the "nag" role without meaning to. Here are some ideas that can help:
- Let them lead. Ask, "When would be a good time for your exercises today?" instead of "Have you done your exercises?"
- Link exercises to a daily habit. Try after breakfast, or when the kettle is on. Routines are easier to stick to than reminders.
- Keep it short and clear. A few minutes done regularly is better than one big session that feels like a chore.
- Celebrate small wins. "You walked to the door without the frame today" is more helpful than "you need to do more."
- Let the physio be the expert. Some people listen better to a professional than to family. A physiotherapist can set the plan, so you can be the cheerleader instead of the coach.
If they say no, try not to take it personally. It may be pain, tiredness, worry or low mood. A gentle "Shall we try again later?" often works better than pushing. If they are struggling to do their exercises at all, tell their physio or GP.
Our guide to home physiotherapy for ageing parents explains how to start these conversations kindly.
Building Breaks Into the Week
You cannot pour from an empty cup. But when you are busy, rest often comes last. The trick is to plan breaks the way you would plan anything else that matters.
Small breaks every day
- Step outside for five minutes of fresh air
- Make a hot drink and drink it sitting down
- Call a friend while your loved one rests
- Listen to music or a podcast you enjoy
A longer break each week
- Ask a sibling, friend or neighbour to cover for a couple of hours
- Book it in advance so it does not slip away
- Do something that is just for you: a walk, a hobby, a chat over coffee
Ways to find extra cover
- Share the week with other family. Even one regular slot helps. Write it down so everyone knows their part.
- Ask friends for specific help, such as "Could you sit with Mum on Thursday afternoon?" People often want to help but do not know how.
- Ask your council about respite care: short-term care so you can have a break.
Taking a break is not selfish. It is part of looking after someone well.
Signs You Might Be Burning Out
Carer burnout builds up slowly. It happens when you have been giving for a long time without enough rest or support. You may notice:
- You feel tired all the time, even after sleep
- You get ill more often, or aches and pains won't go away
- You feel irritable, tearful or numb
- You feel hopeless or trapped
- You have stopped seeing friends or doing things you used to enjoy
- You find it hard to sleep, or you sleep too much
- You feel resentful, then guilty about feeling resentful
Having one or two of these on a bad week does not mean you are burning out. But if several have been around for a while, please take them seriously. Talk to someone you trust and speak to your GP.
If you are struggling to cope, or having thoughts of harming yourself, please get help now. Contact your GP, call NHS 111 for urgent advice, or call Samaritans free, any time, on 116 123. In an emergency, call 999. You do not have to be in crisis to reach out.
Where to Get Support in the UK
You do not have to work all this out alone. Here is where to start:
- Carers UK is the UK's main charity for carers. It offers advice on your rights, money and benefits, a helpline, and an online community of people in the same position. Their helpline number is 0808 808 7777. Check the website for opening hours.
- A carer's assessment from your local council. You have a right to ask for one, whether or not the person you care for gets help from the council. It looks at how caring affects your life and what could make things easier. It can lead to things like respite breaks or help at home. Read how it works on the NHS website, then contact the adult social care team at your council. Rehalign covers Birmingham, Solihull, Walsall, Wolverhampton, Coventry, Dudley and Telford, and each of these councils has its own team.
- Your GP. Tell your GP surgery that you are a carer, and ask for it to be added to your records. They can check on your health, and may be able to offer things like flexible appointments. You can find a GP here.
- NHS Talking Therapies offers free talking support for stress, worry and low mood. In England, you can usually refer yourself without seeing a GP first.
How a Physiotherapist Can Train the Whole Family
A physiotherapist's job is not only to help the person who is recovering. We can also help the people around them.
At a home visit, a physio can:
- Show you safe ways to help with transfers, walking and stairs, using your own bed, chair, bathroom and stairs
- Teach you how to protect your own back, and suggest equipment that might help
- Explain the exercise plan so you know what is safe, what to look for and what to leave to the physio
- Teach other family members too, so the load is shared, not just yours
- Spot problems early and adjust the plan as your loved one gets stronger
We call this family transfer training. It is about making home life safer and less tiring for everyone. Our elderly rehabilitation service is built around exactly this kind of support.
Frequently Asked Questions
Share the load, plan regular breaks and ask for help early. Tell friends and family exactly what you need. Ask your council for a carer's assessment, and talk to your GP about how you are feeling. Small, steady changes work better than waiting until you reach a crisis.
Yes. If you provide care for someone, you can ask your local council for a carer's assessment. It is free, and you can ask for one even if the person you care for does not get council support. The NHS website explains how it works.
Plan the move, stand close, bend your knees and use equipment where you can. Let them do as much as they safely can. The best way to learn is to be shown in person by a physiotherapist or occupational therapist, using your own home and equipment.
Try not to push. Ask when a good time would be, link exercises to a daily habit and celebrate small wins. There may be a reason behind the refusal, such as pain, tiredness or low mood. Let their physio or GP know, so they can help.